Making the Moment

Life gives us moments. It's up to you to decide what to do with them.

It's been a long winter in Chicago and I've focused all my energy on just trying to manage, survive and stay functional. Winter in Chicago last from November to April and we're just now, on April 26, 2011, starting to see a breaki in the weather.

I set a goal for the New Year, no use of sick time at work unless completely necessary. It's a challenge as I have a history of taking afternoons off due to fatigue. Part of me thinks this is merely a habit. Habits can be broken. I'm pleased to announce that during the first four months of the year I have only used 1 day of sick time, and that was for a physical illness. My goal is to manage my mental illness so effectively that I do not draw negative attention to myself from my employer through unpredicable, random and chaotic use of sick time. It's a red flag.

Winter is for me, as it is for almost everybody, a season of drudgery. Ironically, the only thing I look forward to is shoveling snow because it breaks up the monotony of work, cold and commuting in the ice and sub-zero winds.

Winter also relegates us to indoor training, which is highly disagreeable to me. I need the outdoors. I need the sunlight, the winds, even the rains to make me feel alive and that I'm not toiling in vain during my workouts like a hamster on an exercise wheel or a rat pushing a button for a pellet. Thankfully, Spring is here and I've moved my workouts outdoors and increaseed the frequency and duration of the training events.

Somehow all the little things I noticed over the barren winter are paying off now. Dietary adjustments, sleep habits and workout routes are now manifesting themselves as training methods and resources. I learned four new biking routes and three new running routes. Sadly, the only swim outlet for me right now remains the pool at the gym, which is overcrowded. By June 1, I expect that the lake will be warm enough for swimming, so, problem solved.

Here's a HUGE lesson I learned over the winter: I drink to much coffee.

I'm compulsive. I smoke a lot and I drink coffee all day. Always sipping coffee. It's a big problem and has led to disciplinary issues at work. I work in a lab and have an egg-head, beaurocratric, by-the-book supervisor that is highly inconsistent. For years I kept a continually refreshed cup of hot coffeee in my lab with no problem. One day, he decided to crack down and began looking for anything he could find to correct.

I found this upsetting as I regularly receive good or above-average performance reviews and there has never been a quality or productivity issue with my performance.

It's embarrasing to admit, but I'm 43 and still have adolescent issues with authority. I resented his inconsistency and being pushed around. I complained to our Director, stating that I'm an adult and expect to be treated with the same dignity, civility and respect that I offer to my peers. The result was a discipilary meeting.

Long story short, something clicked and I decided to take charge of the situation. My first step was to switch to decaf. Can't explain why, but after a month of only one caffeinated cup of coffee each morning, I feel a tremendous pressure lifted from my psyche. I sleep better, think more clearly and am much less prone to aggrivation and hostility. Everything seems easier and more content.

I've learned that I can control my behaviors and not live at their mercy.

My next step is to eliminate smoking. This has been a goal for ten years and I've never quit trying to quit, but I have new inspiration as a result of knowing I can live, survive and thrive without caffeine.

Here is my offering to you as a reader of this blog. I will chart the number of cigarettes I smoke each day and post the result. This is my way of being accountable to you and to encourage you to make changes in your habits that may be holding you back.

Do we have a deal?