June 2001
I was a new man now, having faced death and survived my suicidal tendencies that led to the bipolar 1 diagnosis.
Having faced my demons and learned from them, the biggest and newest tools I armed myself with were patience, foresight and mental fortitude.
During the '98 and '99 triathlon seasons, I really didn't know what I was doing. I got by the way I always did in everything, through sheer guts, iron-will and what little god-given talent I had.
This season would be different, I surmised/reasoned. It wasn't a conscious choice, it was a result of the resilience and faith always lurking deep inside me that came to the forefront thanks to the effects of medication and the trust I had in my doctor. She was, and is, brilliant, effective, elegant, eloquent, practical and realistic. The dedication she showed as a doctor in treating me not only as a psychiatrist but as a counseler resulted in my developing faith in my abilities and judgement, in my aptitude and skill-sets, in the practicality of my goals and desires and the realities of my ambitions.
Having faced my demons and learned from them, the biggest and newest tools I armed myself with were patience, foresight and mental fortitude.
During the '98 and '99 triathlon seasons, I really didn't know what I was doing. I got by the way I always did in everything, through sheer guts, iron-will and what little god-given talent I had.
This season would be different, I surmised/reasoned. It wasn't a conscious choice, it was a result of the resilience and faith always lurking deep inside me that came to the forefront thanks to the effects of medication and the trust I had in my doctor. She was, and is, brilliant, effective, elegant, eloquent, practical and realistic. The dedication she showed as a doctor in treating me not only as a psychiatrist but as a counseler resulted in my developing faith in my abilities and judgement, in my aptitude and skill-sets, in the practicality of my goals and desires and the realities of my ambitions.
Instead of putting all my eggs in one basket and training for one target race, I scheduled four triathlons in the summer of 2001. This allowed me the luxury of having a bad race or experience and learning from it, then applying that experience to the next race. In the past, I would have scheduled one race, a make-or-break event that may have turned out well, or may have been a devastating defeat leaving in its wake a fall and winter of shame, regret and the hauntings of failure and unmet expectations. The long term commitment was now my modus-operandi and it resonated quite well with my perspective on a mentally healthy lifestyle.
Making the upgrade from one race to a season of four wasn't the bigggest challenge I laid out for 2001, however.
No comments:
Post a Comment