The Comeback

January 1, 2001

With the new year off to a not so inspiring start, I had decisions to make and choices to face.

What was I going to do for a job? What was I going to do for a career? What was I going to do about this crazy chick I had living in my house?

With no commitments and some money in the bank, I realized I had the luxury of time, but not too much of it. I had the standard cost of living, plus the cost of doctor's visits and medication, plus the overwhelming cost of COBRA payments, an option that would be running out soon.

I realized I needed a career and I settled on computer programming. I would immerse myself in the Java programming language and become a master. But, per doctor's orders, I also needed regular exercise, one hour a day.

I went back to the gym and felt like a stranger in a strange land. It was quite disconcerting, having no idea how to manage an environment I once flourished in. By this time my weight was still up 40 pounds @ 186# and my body fat was off the charts. I was also smoking more than ever.

I wandered into the gym and saw something new, something that had been desirable but elusive in the past two years: an opportunity and environmnent in which to reinvent myself, to bounce back from the level I had acheived in the past and fly further and higher with wisdom as my guide. The entire environment seemed foreign to me and I didn't know where to begin as I had lost all memory of what were once my strengths, weaknesses and preferences.

I did have two distinct advantages: anononymity and a lack of expectations.

I went to the gym each day and tried something new, just to see what felt good and what was agreeable to me. I found that I had the ability to block out all the interference and distraction that came with the environment: the other members doing their workouts, the history of former results I had been a slave to for years. I also had the distinct advantage of having no model or goal for myself or what I wanted to become. I was just playing, getting my feet wet. The gym had three hours of free parking in the garage and I used them all every day, but when it was time to go I left and didn't give the day's workout another thought.

Due to relationship complications with the nutty woman living in my house ( that's a completely different story and probably best left untold), I never gave the Java language programming idea a true shot, but in it's absence I found myself getting hooked on exercise and being a gym-rat.

Slowly, so slowly I never noticed, the results began to come. Not in appearance, but in mental well-being. All of a sudden I had a new job: keeping fit, and I treated it like a job, with a schedule and performance reviews and every other standard of measure I could imagine.

In April, I passed my brother Tom and made a smart-ass response to one of his comments. He responded "It's nice to seee you're getting back to your old self". I replied "I've been myself for awhile now. Nobody noticed."